My ex-husband and I got divorced two years ago after he cheated on me. He is now telling me that the divorce was a mistake and he wants to try again. I am prepared to give him a second chance but I am worried about how much we have changed in the past two years. Is it possible to pick up where we left off, or do we start ”dating” as if from scratch again?
“It is not what we do, it’s what we do after we have done it”.
One of my mentors shared these words with me and it stayed with me for a long time. Your husband made a life-changing choice two years ago and it impacted on your life and on his. Now he is facing his choice with regret and you are willing to give him a chance again. But you are wise to consider the change in both of you in the two years.
You cannot pick up where you left off two years ago. You have to rebuild your relationship based on new agreements and understanding. Please do yourselves a big favour and consider relationship counselling or couples therapy. A psychologist or life coach who has experience and a focus on relationship psychology and relationship therapy will be your best bet.
You have both changed in the last two years. You, in dealing with loss and rejection and him, with guilt and shame. You have both grown in your pain and challenges. That is what happens to us when we face pain and challenges.
It can be an opportunity to enter a new phase in your relationship and build it on a foundation of strength, understanding, and mutual respect.
You possibly wished to have him back and he is wishing to be back. Now you are getting your wish. But it does not come with a magic wand. It comes with a responsibility to take action to work towards building a great relationship.
Give it a fair chance but do it with help. There is nothing as fulfilling as a great relationship. Invest in building a great relationship. You have a second chance to do that.